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  • Writer's pictureThe Poplar Family

Finding My Voice

Updated: Aug 22, 2020



I have never felt confident enough in my writing ability to call my mom and say, "I wrote a poem, wanna hear it?" My mom is a seasoned wordsmith and the thought of her reading my words or hearing me recite a piece has always been a bit intimidating. My recent poem Our Lives Shatter gave me an added boost of confidence so I called her. Though my mom migrated to the Midwest, her roots are in the South and something inside me knew she would appreciate my artistic expression. Her response was the greatest compliment I could ever hope to receive. She said, "That sounds like something I would've written about twenty years ago." I smiled so big you would've thought I won the Pulitzer Prize!


Over the last few decades, my mom laid down her pen. Over the last few months, I picked up my sword. All artists are not created equal. For some, the mental state that writing places them in causes such heavy emotion that it can leave them in a state of disrepair. For others, like myself, the only thing that keeps my mind from being fractured is my ability to pour my heart out on to paper.


2020 has taught me a great deal about the importance of emotional wellness and energy conservation. I've learned that just because I can respond doesn't mean I have to. I've discovered that empathy is a language that allows me to handle others well even when I have been mishandled. And I've realized that no matter how much you know your part by heart, a tone-deaf person will remain oblivious to even the most perfect pitch. When I can't make my point in a conversation, I can always count on poetry. When I feel like I'm reaching the point of casting pearls, it's the perfect invitation to cultivate creativity.


Anger and frustration have become my friends. They have helped me locate my emotions and ponder my own thoughts instead of abandoning what I am feeling to rescue someone else from their discomfort. At some point along my journey, like many people of color, I learned to minimize anger and maximize politeness. Often times as a Christian, it is easy to internalize a verse of scripture and only see it from one perspective. For example, "Anger, but sin not" is a passage that helps many believers resist wrath and walk in righteousness. But it is the very verse that grants me permission to be angry, without condemnation.


"Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life." Ephesians 4:26 The Message (MSG)


I am guilty of working so hard to sterilize what I wish to say that I neutralize what needs to be said. In the same way that keeping it real can go wrong, keeping it sweet can go sour. The last few months have taught me that some people can't see what they can't see because they don't wish to see it. And no matter how well-spoken, soft-spoken, self-controlled, polite or polished I am, if people wish to remain willfully ignorant, it's not my duty to bully them out of their bliss.


Anger is a valid emotion. It is perfectly OK to feel anger when we have been wronged. It does me well to embrace anger and allow it to speak or else I will sentence myself to silence and pain that eventually leads to shame. A great practice to prevent the sun from going down on my wrath is to journal what I've experienced. Usually, by the time I wake up, reconciliatory words are flowing out of my head so fast I can hardly capture them.


If anger is your struggle, by all means, cling to the part of scripture that keeps you from seeking revenge or causing pain. I am fully aware that the wrath of man holds no power to produce God's righteousness. However, if you are prone to stuffing heavy emotions and sentencing yourself to solitary confinement, know that God's Word grants you permission to feel what you need to feel in order to heal.


Allowing yourself to express your anger can be the key to finding your voice.


"You no longer have the choice to speak for me, I've found my voice." Toya Poplar




Our Lives Shatter is a reflection of how anger helped me find my voice.

Published in Reckon Women newsletter August 19, 2020



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